i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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