It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
