I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Well I just put wine in my tea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
