Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
