sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
