she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
His nipple licking is glorious
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