I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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