What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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