I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
