Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
