Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
