absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
