last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
