Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
