and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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