Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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