You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
