When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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