I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
