He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
