I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
