the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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