I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
