Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
