false alarm. still invincible.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
