It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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