Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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