I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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