Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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