I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
