Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
