I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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