At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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