Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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