Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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