So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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