Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
