Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
