I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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