hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
one might say we're banned from that church
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Randomize
