we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
40s are totally the cure
Randomize
