Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
