gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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