i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
