Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
