Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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