I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
