my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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