There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
