Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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