I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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