Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
