When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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