I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
