how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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