dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
