I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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