haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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