goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
So squirting runs in the family.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
