Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
