If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
