Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
