just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
