Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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