Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
